One of the things about living abroad that continually rears its head at unexpected times is how much we rely on the familiar in our daily lives. How often we simply do things without thinking. How habits are ingrained in us to the extent that no brain power at all is required to accomplish most of our daily tasks. Living abroad brings that to light almost every day and it can be cumulatively disconcerting to some people. And, at its worst, it can be the thing that sends people back to the comfort of what they know.
I was reminded of this in the simplest way the other day when I was trying to do a minor repair around the apartment. This little chore required a small wrench to tighten a nut. I realized that at home in Canada I had a variety of tools acquired over the years that made any simple chore around the house just a case of going to my tool chest, picking out the right tool, and finishing the task. No thought or planning was involved and I could crank up the tunes and happily work away while thinking about something else entirely. The result was a feeling of security and control over things that lent a sense of comfort to life. Whatever happens I've coped before and I will again. I'm prepared.
However, as an expat in a new and somewhat bewildering place, that is not the case. When some simple task arises that took no thought at home I am now faced with a myriad of tasks and decisions that require research, forethought and planning. To tighten a nut I can no longer go to my tool box. I no longer have a tool box. I do have a screw driver, but no wrenches. They were gifted to friends on our departure and are now saving other peoples lives. As a result I feel abandoned and alone. Adrift. Untethered. Insecure. At the mercy of fates I don't understand. Can I still take care of hearth and home like I did before? Presented with enough of these in one day and it can feel like its time to pull the covers over your head and have a good mental breakdown. And I'm not even going to begin to throw in Covid 19!
So now I have to think. That fact is novel when it comes to a little job like this. Is the nut Imperial or Metric? Should I buy just one wrench or should buy a set in anticipation of other larger and more serious problems in the future? But do I want to carry around a set of wrenches in case we move in the future? Where is the nearest Ferriteria (hardware store)? Is my Spanish sufficient to communicate exactly what I need? What time is it, since the Ferriteria may be closed for siesta? How much do I want to spend for something I may never use again? Is there someone I know here that I could borrow a wrench from? Are they expats or local, and if they are local can my Spanish survive trying to explain what I need?
By now I am paralyzed by the magnitude of the problem and the on going consequences of this huge decision. It might be time for a nap. There is nothing in this world which is not improved by a nap, and then procrastination.
But the point of this little diatribe is that when you become an expat in a foreign country your life becomes a never ending series of life altering decisions like the above. Imagine all the decisions you have made over the past fifty years and then imagine that you are now going to be asked to make them all again. It can lead to a profound sense of insecurity. A feeling of being adrift and unanchored, at the mercy of fates that you thought you had already successfully conquered. Time to put your tail between your legs and head home where everything is as it should be and everything is in its place.
But there is another option, and there is a trick involved. At least there is for me. Luckily for you I am prepared to give you this secret Absolutely Free! No purchase is necessary. Simply read on and my remarkable ground breaking discovery can be yours to use forever. You can thank me by passing it on to other overwhelmed new expats.
So here it is. No problem needs to be completely solved before taking step one. The one thing you have in abundance now is, time. Start by taking step one before worrying about step two. You need a wrench. Who sells wrenches? Go there. With your nut. As you wend your way remember all the happy hours you have spent in the past, searching for just the right electric multi headed power nut driver and orbital sander with optional juice blender. And relive that glorious feeling of success you felt when you found it. That feeling can be yours again. Almost every day! Before you know it you will be home with the solution and your wife will have her hero protector back. Adjust your cape and look around for other mountains to climb. After all, this is what humans do right? Solve problems. Rather than being overwhelmed you will discover a new focus and meaning to life which had eluded you as you sat complacently in your Lazy Boy, growing moss on your north side. You can do this! And you will rediscover what made life fun when you were young(er)! Along the way you will also discover that you have new things to talk about and a new confidence in your ability to cope with whatever comes your way. As an added bonus you will become the go to guy for people looking to borrow tools which they will never return. Finally you will be the life of expat parties with your new knowledge of obscure Spanish names for common tools and a font of wisdom about where to find anything.
But one note of caution. you will have to let go of the idea that there is only one right way to do anything. You will have to suppress the instinct to shout "No, don't do it like that! This is the correct way!" Remember, you are a guest here, and if the host wants to cook his meat without the aid of your multi directional meat thermometer and cordless Bluetooth receiver, until it resembles a piece of tanned buffalo hide, smile and chew silently. At home, with the doors locked, you can use the correct apparatus and cook it how you like it. And when your new local friends come to your place and you triumphantly present them with a beautifully rare steak they will smile and secretly think you are a pleasant but strangely uncivilized barbarian. But, like you, they will eat, nod politely in appreciation, and promise themselves to only meet you in restaurants in the future.
